This is Parker:
This is his goldfish:
It won't die. It should have died by now. Besides the fact that it is over 2 years old, it has had several near death experiences. Any normal fish would have been sent to its watery grave by now, but not this fish.
Last summer Martha and her boys tried to kill it. One of her boys dumped an entire container of fish food into Parker and Paxton's fish bowls. When Martha asked me how to clean the bowls I was distracted so I told her to just switch out the water. I forgot to mention the part of the process that involved letting the water get to room temperature. Paxton's fish did not survive that water change (thank you Martha, one less thing to take care of around here) I mean, RIP little buddy.
The out of state move would have probably killed most fish. Parker's fish survived the 5 1/2 hour drive in a shallow Tupperware dish wrapped in a plastic grocery bag. That kind of surprised me. But what surprised me even more is when we found the goldfish in Jed's truck alive 2 days later in that same dish. We forgot he was in there.
Since we moved in I didn't know where to put the fish so I just stuck him on the top shelf of Paxton's closet and forgot about him. We all forgot about him for several days. But he didn't die of starvation or light depravation.
I guess you'd say our family has a knack for keeping goldfish alive. I'm not saying we're of expert goldfish raising status but let me remind you of this guy:
Jed and I bought fish in January 2006. That goldfish lived until it was 8 1/2 years old. I have no idea why. I assure you we treated that fish with the same, if not more, neglect that we treat Parker's fish.
Since we've had so much success with goldfish I feel it is my civic duty to share our goldfish raising secrets. In no particular order:
1.* Do not name the fish. If you name the fish it dies. This is a fact.
2. Rarely feed it. I know this sounds cruel but isn't living in a tiny gallon size bowl also cruel?
3. Nearly never change the water in the bowl.
4. Neglect that fish as often as you neglect to clean under the stove.
And there you have it folks. We may never have a dog again but we might be stuck with this goldfish forever.
*I guess the first rule of Goldfish longevity is DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GOLDFISH. (That's a spin off of Fight Club if you haven't seen the movie). I wrote this post and took the pictures yesterday. Yesterday! I planned to review my writing today before posting. Well, guess what? The damn fish died. I shit you not. What the hell do I know about goldfish? Nothing, that's what. When I told Jed the fish was dead he said, "So this house is finally pet free?" Yes, yes we are. Finally.
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| Parker. Construction shirt and band aids. |
This is his goldfish:
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| Goldfish |
Last summer Martha and her boys tried to kill it. One of her boys dumped an entire container of fish food into Parker and Paxton's fish bowls. When Martha asked me how to clean the bowls I was distracted so I told her to just switch out the water. I forgot to mention the part of the process that involved letting the water get to room temperature. Paxton's fish did not survive that water change (thank you Martha, one less thing to take care of around here) I mean, RIP little buddy.
The out of state move would have probably killed most fish. Parker's fish survived the 5 1/2 hour drive in a shallow Tupperware dish wrapped in a plastic grocery bag. That kind of surprised me. But what surprised me even more is when we found the goldfish in Jed's truck alive 2 days later in that same dish. We forgot he was in there.
Since we moved in I didn't know where to put the fish so I just stuck him on the top shelf of Paxton's closet and forgot about him. We all forgot about him for several days. But he didn't die of starvation or light depravation.
I guess you'd say our family has a knack for keeping goldfish alive. I'm not saying we're of expert goldfish raising status but let me remind you of this guy:
 |
| 8 year old fish |
Jed and I bought fish in January 2006. That goldfish lived until it was 8 1/2 years old. I have no idea why. I assure you we treated that fish with the same, if not more, neglect that we treat Parker's fish.
Since we've had so much success with goldfish I feel it is my civic duty to share our goldfish raising secrets. In no particular order:
1.* Do not name the fish. If you name the fish it dies. This is a fact.
2. Rarely feed it. I know this sounds cruel but isn't living in a tiny gallon size bowl also cruel?
3. Nearly never change the water in the bowl.
4. Neglect that fish as often as you neglect to clean under the stove.
And there you have it folks. We may never have a dog again but we might be stuck with this goldfish forever.
*I guess the first rule of Goldfish longevity is DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GOLDFISH. (That's a spin off of Fight Club if you haven't seen the movie). I wrote this post and took the pictures yesterday. Yesterday! I planned to review my writing today before posting. Well, guess what? The damn fish died. I shit you not. What the hell do I know about goldfish? Nothing, that's what. When I told Jed the fish was dead he said, "So this house is finally pet free?" Yes, yes we are. Finally.
OMG I laughed so hard the tears started. Don't tell the kids that. It was the way you told the story. Tell kids sorry about the fish but sure they'll get over it fast. But the bag in a container worked to get him to Wis! GrammS
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