Parachute and Nuns not parachuting nuns. I have three stories from today that involve, yup, you guessed it, a parachute and nuns and booze. It would be way cooler if all those things were in the same story but they aren't so deal with it. Here we go.
First Story
Today I took The Little Kids to "Parachute Play" at the library, a half hour dedicated to playing with a parachute. The idea of parachute play seems like a pretty fun one but much like a 1am drunken idea it ends up not being as fun as you thought it would be.
The equation goes something like this: 1 huge brightly colored parachute + 20 toddlers ages 3 and under + an unimaginable amount of enthusiasm from an overly wordy librarian = a hot mess of toddlers under a parachute in various stages of meltdowns. Super fun for the kids not so fun for me.
Every time I take The Littles to an activity like this my brain always asks the same question, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!?" Apparently all my parental enthusiasm was used up when The Boys were little. I dread activities like this because they always end the same way, someone has a meltdown, usually it's the kids sometimes it's me.
I'd like to say that Hayd and Ham were exceptionally well behaved throughout this entire activity but you all know that would be a blatant lie. My kids were in fact the pioneers of shenanigans. Everything they were instructed to do Hamilton did the opposite. Once he started all the other kids followed like dominoes. Hayden held out for a while but eventually she caved too. The librarian said, "Stay off the parachute" Hamilton heard "Go ahead, crawl across the entire parachute." The librarian said, "Don't go under the parachute" Hamilton heard "Pretend the parachute is a tent and run around inside like a maniac"
So what did I do about these shenanigans? Nothing. I did nothing. I've decided my new hobby is collecting dirty looks from parents who think they have this kid raising thing all figured out. News flash, Karen, you don't have it all figured out because your kid was conducting himself with the same amount of assholery as mine were and the fact that little Bobby was so easily persuaded to misbehave by my children just shows that he is also of weak character.
I've decided that Hayd and Ham probably won't go to college acting like assholes, probably. For the time being if they are acting like maniacs at an activity that caters to a child's inner most lunatic I'm going to sit back and take it all in because even though they weren't doing what they were supposed to they were having a hell of a lot of fun doing it.
When parachute play was over Ham and Hayd had worked themselves up into such a state of overstimulated hyperactivity I knew it was only a matter of time before the wheels came off. Sure enough the words, "Time to go" where like pulling a grenade pin. The fit they threw was epic. I collected more dirty looks as I dragged 2 sobbing kids to the parking lot. That's when my brain started nagging me again about why I continue to take them to activities that end in meltdown.
Upon reporting the days activities to Jed he vowed to take The Littles to these kinds of events in the future. His patience haven't been all used up yet because he was on 1st shift when The Boys were little. Now that he's on 2nd shift he can attend all these glorious kid events. I give him 3 months before his brain starts questioning his sanity.
So we don't end this story on a sour note here's Hayd and Ham at the library not acting like fools:
Second Story
After I picked up The Boys from school I stopped by Pizza Hut to pick up our usual order. Not to brag but I'm on a first name basis with most of the employees there. On the way home we we drove by the new convent being built in our town.
Here's our car ride conversation:
Pax: Look, the new apartments are almost done.
Me: Actually that's a new convent. It's a place where nuns live.
Pax: A place where who lives?
Me: Nuns. You remember those ladies on the beach this summer all dressed in white? Those were nuns. Nuns are women who devote themselves to God. The spend their lives serving God. They don't get married or have kids or have a lot of possessions and they lead a very humble life.
Park: And they steal money.
Now, it's been a while since something made me instantly laugh out loud but Parker's comment did the trick. I cracked up because his comment was made in all seriousness.
The other day on the news Park saw a story about a couple of nuns that stole $150k from a church. Naturally Parker thought that was a part of a Nun's job. For the second time in his young 8 years I had to explain why embezzlement isn't something that people normally do. At this point I think he's beginning to doubt me.
Third Story
As I was earning more points towards my Mother-of-the-Year Award by letting Parker proof read this story Hamilton came up to us. Before you get all judgy Parker doesn't like to read but he enjoys a good story with grown-up words just as much as I do so I figure reading is reading. Plus this will count on his minutes towards his never ending reading log, win-win.
Hamilton: (Holding a Hot Wheel in one hand and his other hand behind his back) Mama, I love you. (puckers up for a kiss)
Me: (I kiss him)
Hamilton: (Pulls a beer out from behind his back while smiling like a Cheshire cat) Here you go Mama!
Me and Park: (Cracking up laughing)
Ham is such a funny kid. I didn't even ask him to get me a beer but I accepted it nonetheless. Again, before you get all judgy he only knows how to get beer he doesn't know how to open it yet. His fingers lack the dexterity and size required for leverage to open a beer.
There you have it folks, just a normal day in our life.
First Story
Today I took The Little Kids to "Parachute Play" at the library, a half hour dedicated to playing with a parachute. The idea of parachute play seems like a pretty fun one but much like a 1am drunken idea it ends up not being as fun as you thought it would be.
The equation goes something like this: 1 huge brightly colored parachute + 20 toddlers ages 3 and under + an unimaginable amount of enthusiasm from an overly wordy librarian = a hot mess of toddlers under a parachute in various stages of meltdowns. Super fun for the kids not so fun for me.
I'd like to say that Hayd and Ham were exceptionally well behaved throughout this entire activity but you all know that would be a blatant lie. My kids were in fact the pioneers of shenanigans. Everything they were instructed to do Hamilton did the opposite. Once he started all the other kids followed like dominoes. Hayden held out for a while but eventually she caved too. The librarian said, "Stay off the parachute" Hamilton heard "Go ahead, crawl across the entire parachute." The librarian said, "Don't go under the parachute" Hamilton heard "Pretend the parachute is a tent and run around inside like a maniac"
 |
| Hamilton, leader of wayward children |
So what did I do about these shenanigans? Nothing. I did nothing. I've decided my new hobby is collecting dirty looks from parents who think they have this kid raising thing all figured out. News flash, Karen, you don't have it all figured out because your kid was conducting himself with the same amount of assholery as mine were and the fact that little Bobby was so easily persuaded to misbehave by my children just shows that he is also of weak character.
 |
| A moment of behaving |
I've decided that Hayd and Ham probably won't go to college acting like assholes, probably. For the time being if they are acting like maniacs at an activity that caters to a child's inner most lunatic I'm going to sit back and take it all in because even though they weren't doing what they were supposed to they were having a hell of a lot of fun doing it.
When parachute play was over Ham and Hayd had worked themselves up into such a state of overstimulated hyperactivity I knew it was only a matter of time before the wheels came off. Sure enough the words, "Time to go" where like pulling a grenade pin. The fit they threw was epic. I collected more dirty looks as I dragged 2 sobbing kids to the parking lot. That's when my brain started nagging me again about why I continue to take them to activities that end in meltdown.
Upon reporting the days activities to Jed he vowed to take The Littles to these kinds of events in the future. His patience haven't been all used up yet because he was on 1st shift when The Boys were little. Now that he's on 2nd shift he can attend all these glorious kid events. I give him 3 months before his brain starts questioning his sanity.
So we don't end this story on a sour note here's Hayd and Ham at the library not acting like fools:
Second Story
After I picked up The Boys from school I stopped by Pizza Hut to pick up our usual order. Not to brag but I'm on a first name basis with most of the employees there. On the way home we we drove by the new convent being built in our town.
Here's our car ride conversation:
Pax: Look, the new apartments are almost done.
Me: Actually that's a new convent. It's a place where nuns live.
Pax: A place where who lives?
Me: Nuns. You remember those ladies on the beach this summer all dressed in white? Those were nuns. Nuns are women who devote themselves to God. The spend their lives serving God. They don't get married or have kids or have a lot of possessions and they lead a very humble life.
Park: And they steal money.
Now, it's been a while since something made me instantly laugh out loud but Parker's comment did the trick. I cracked up because his comment was made in all seriousness.
The other day on the news Park saw a story about a couple of nuns that stole $150k from a church. Naturally Parker thought that was a part of a Nun's job. For the second time in his young 8 years I had to explain why embezzlement isn't something that people normally do. At this point I think he's beginning to doubt me.
Third Story
As I was earning more points towards my Mother-of-the-Year Award by letting Parker proof read this story Hamilton came up to us. Before you get all judgy Parker doesn't like to read but he enjoys a good story with grown-up words just as much as I do so I figure reading is reading. Plus this will count on his minutes towards his never ending reading log, win-win.
Hamilton: (Holding a Hot Wheel in one hand and his other hand behind his back) Mama, I love you. (puckers up for a kiss)
Me: (I kiss him)
Hamilton: (Pulls a beer out from behind his back while smiling like a Cheshire cat) Here you go Mama!
Me and Park: (Cracking up laughing)
Ham is such a funny kid. I didn't even ask him to get me a beer but I accepted it nonetheless. Again, before you get all judgy he only knows how to get beer he doesn't know how to open it yet. His fingers lack the dexterity and size required for leverage to open a beer.
There you have it folks, just a normal day in our life.
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